We Stroudies are very proud of our town and its beautiful surroundings.

I wrote this funny poem about Stroud and what Her Majesty might find if she came here for a day trip.


If The Queen, who is Head of our Nation

Came to Stroud for our landmarks to see

She would get off the train at Stroud Station

With a copy of ‘The Metro’ for free.

She could not take high-tea at The Imperial

As sadly its all boarded round

Instead she could go to The Warren

And have hot drink and cake for three pound!

Whilst in our brand new indoor market

For her tea buy some haddock or skate

She would learn about our local history

And join the 5th valley debate!

She could also pop into The Sub Rooms

Their new décor would be nice surprise

And for Christmas buy Philip a Stroud T-Shirt

And I’m guessing in medium size.

She could visit our great Farmer’s Market

Where the sights and the smells appetise

I’m sure she’d be pleased to sample some cheese

But first make her hands sanitized.

If she took a walk down the High Street

She’d see beggars wrapped in a mac

She would toss them a pound in her handbag she’s found

And say “That’s my face on the back!”

So what else does she have in her handbag

Maybe a brandy filled flask

A bottle of Tizer, some hand sanitizer

And a Royal blue crested facemask.

When she looks in the estate agent’s window

She would realise one thing is clear

The scenery is nice, but the property price

Even She can’t afford a house here!

She may even pop into Poundland

To pick up a bargain or two

But I don’t think she often goes shopping

Or stand in a social-distanced queue.

If she caught a bus up to Cashes

She’s be pretty dismayed I am sure

On the big roundabout she would see Tricorn House

And think “Bloody Hell!, What an eyesore!”

At the end she would go back to the station

To wait for the 6.15 train

And reflect on her one day vacation

“I like Stroud, I’ll come here again!

Please come and visit me in The Tower of London

From Clive White