Posh hotel sends son "bonkers"

1:30pm Thursday 1st May 2008

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CELEBRATE daughter's birthday with a trip to a posh' hotel in Derbyshire.

Posh' is the word used by my children to describe any establishment that offers complimentary biscuits and a free shower cap (both of which are utilised within first few minutes).

The hotel has a golf club attached, catching my son's interest. He watches the golfers and announces that one ball has just "landed in the bonker." Make a mental note to brush up on his golfing terminology before letting him out of the room again.

Hotel swimming pool appeals more to the children than a walk on the Derbyshire hills but as always it is the buffet breakfast that takes centre stage this weekend.

With eyes as big as their plates the children try every combination of food imaginable, refusing to leave until everything has been sampled.

The car feels slightly heavier on the journey home. While I would like to think it is all the crystals that the children collected on the walk I am more inclined to believe that it is the weight of the buffet breakfasts (I must dissuade daughter from hiding all those mini pots of jam and honey in her pockets).

Back home, I spot a bit of blue sky and dash out to survey allotment in between hail, snow and April showers.

Feel rather ridiculous as I get down on my stomach to look for any sign of parsnips. I'm determined not to give up and re-sow if there is the slightest trace of this vegetable but don't really know what I am looking for, having never seen a parsnip seedling.

Luckily most of my allotment buddies are also having parsnip problems and are re-sowing. In vegetable growing there is nothing quite so comforting as shared failure.